HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSE OF THE MOONSUGAR
by Lady Fuschia
Summary: AKA- other odd and bemusing stories. Sequel to How Voldemort Was Defeated By An Asda Lorry. Harry is a bum and S.H.G.A.L.M grows ever stronger. When Lucius decides to run for Prime Minister by brainwashing the muggles can Harry and co stop him? And will H


(A/N) I am so sorry this took me so long- I had terrible writers block. But here we go- the long awaited sequel to How Voldemort Was Defeated By An Asda Lorry. Which I suggest any new readers read along with this sequel. Anyway- please enjoy!!!!! And review!!!

**HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSE OF THE MOONSUGAR**

**(AKA) Other odd and bemusing stories.**

"Working for a rich man staying just a poor man, never stopped to wonder why," Ron Weasley sang as he sat in his office at the headquarters of S.H.G.A.L.M licking envelopes. His minion Eclipse sat beside him chewing on an unfortunate muggle's leg.

"WEASLEY!" Lucius Malfoy's second in command, Withers came storming into the office, his black robes billowing behind him in an intimidating fashion.

"Eel, I mean yes?" Ron squeaked. He was rather afraid of Withers, who was fiercely protective of his blonde master.

"The highly gorgeous and admired Dark Lord Lucius Malfoy commands your presence immediately."

Ron nodded and smoothed his bald head, he stood and his minion Eclipse rose as well. Withers sneered at them and motioned for them to follow him.

They followed him through various offices, the department of Plans for Harry Potter's Death, the department of Lucius's Crown Makers, the department of Propaganda for S.H.G.A.L.M and so on. Finally they arrived at the portkey. Withers glared at them.

"What?" Ron snapped.

"Pick it up stupid." Withers said.

Ron rolled his eyes and placed Eclipse's hand on the portkey then he placed his own (remaining) hand on top and they were transported.

The highly gorgeous and admired Dark Lord Lucius Malfoy sat on his grand silver throne filing his nails. He had just polished them and they looked beautiful, he looked up, annoyed as two people crashed with a bang on the throne room floor.

"YES?" he said (the voice magnifier was on again.)

Ron stood up and straightened his robes the best he could with one hand, Eclipse nibbled Ron's ankle.

"Uh, you sent for me my Lord?"

Lucius peered at Ron, "HOW DISGUSTIING, A WEASLEY."

"I CAN hear you!" Ron cried, his face turning red.

Lucius shuddered, "EWW! IT TALKS!"

"Stop talking about me like I'm some sort of animal." Ron said angrily batting Eclipse away from his toes.

"WE'RE ALL ANIMALS MY LADY."

"What?" Ron was confused, had Withers been playing a joke on him like the time he said that Lucius wanted him to eat a Chinese Fighting Monkey. Ron had done it and almost ended up with no insides. How Withers had laughed.

"NOTHING, WEASLEY I HAVE BEEN INFORMED OF YOUR SKILLS AT ENVELOPE LICKING AND I WOULD LIKE YOU TO HEAD THE LONDON PART OF MY PUBLICITY CAMPAIGN"

"As if you don't have enough publicity already." Narcissa said snidely from where she was hiding in the alcove behind Lucius's throne. "Jackass," she added, glaring at her husband.

"I…I'm honoured my Lord but I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet." Ron stammered, heck he didn't even want to be in S.H.G.A.L.M, he had only wanted a minion. Someone who would obey his every command but even that wasn't working out too well.

Lucius's silver eyes started to narrow and Ron tensed. "DID I MENTION THAT MY OFFER WAS NOT OPTIONAL?"

"N…no my Lord."

"WELL THEN WHAT DO YOU SAY?"

Ron sighed resignedly, "I would be honoured to lead your London publicity campaign my Lord."

"GOOD!" Lucius said admiring his reflection in a handy pocket mirror.

"Jackass," Narcissa spat.

And that is the story of how Ron Weasley became the head of the Dark Lord Lucius Malfoy's publicity campaign in London.

>>>>>>

Draco Malfoy sat on a hill. He was making a daisy chain and humming the tune to 'Come what may' from Moulin Rouge. He, during his wanderings had found a rather large amount of raw, undiluted moonsugar, and while he no longer believed himself to be in an alternate reality (he had grown a little bit wiser) was incredibly high and unable to find his way home.

"Carrot tops, and candyfloss, poor old suitcase got no boss." He sang, weaving the garland of daisies into his hair.

What he didn't realise was that behind him, at that very moment sat the Devil.

The Devil was watching Draco Malfoy, at first the Devil had thought the boy was some hideous flower person but after some close scrutinising he had realised that what the boy was, was in fact a very high teenage wizard. Indeed to add extra spice he was also the son of one of the greatest sinners in the world: Lucius Malfoy.

The Devil clapped his hands in glee; he could have some fun with this one.

"Excuse me," he said tapping the boy on the shoulder.

Draco screamed and stood up "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! FATHER?"

"No I'm the Devil you imbecile. Do I even look like your father? I have red hair for god's sake."

"Ock nay, I mean, Oh say, I MEAN okay." Draco said searching to find intelligence in his drug numbed brain.

"Now I am here to offer you seven wishes, in exchange for your SOUL."

Draco stared at the Devil, and then he began to laugh. "HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHEEEEHEEEHOHOHAAA!"

"What?" the Devil said looking indignant. "I'm perfectly serious."

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I am!" the Devil insisted getting very confused.

Draco let out a few more barks of laughter and then sobered as best he could in his state. "Right-ho then Mr Darkness, I accept."

The Devil blinked and then, grinning evilly, conjured up a contract which fell on top of Draco's head.

"OW!" Draco cried, "I think youg, you, yin, me, gave me brain damage!"

The Devil snickered, "I think you had that already, sign here please." He indicated a space on the last page and handed a red quill to the stammering boy.

Draco glared at him and signed his name with a flourish. The Devil smirked and inspected the signature.

"Your name is not Ariel." He said.

"Oh, sorry." Draco said snatching back the papers to Tip-Ex that name out and fill in his own.

"Your name isn't Elliot." The Devil said.

Finally, after two hours of Tip-Exing Draco managed to sign the contract properly.

And that is the story of how Draco Malfoy sold his soul to the Devil for seven wishes.

>>>>>>

Harry Potter sat and stared at the wall. Harry Potter sat and stared at the wall some more. He shifted a little in his seat and then resumed his staring. He had been staring at the same wall for two and a half hours and frankly he was getting a bit sick of it.

However it was a very nice wall, a lovely yellowy colour with little gold swirls. Very pretty, not at all like the boring cream wall one would expect in a Ministry building.

Harry shrugged and stared harder at the wall, it was best not to think when waiting, such a thing made time pass slower rather than faster.

Finally the door beside his chair opened and Hermione stepped out, she was the new Minister of Magic replacing Fudge who had gone insane upon seeing the highly gorgeous and admired Dark lord Lucius Malfoy climb down his chimney.

Hermione was the first female Minister and she was also the only one who wasn't a complete idiot. She was an idiot but not a complete one, she still had some sense.

The first thing she had done upon becoming Minister was to organise a remembrance day for Draco Malfoy who had been eaten by a giant squid three years ago. Then she had devoted her time to trying to stop the highly gorgeous and admired Dark Lord Lucius Malfoy and S.H.G.A.L.M.

"Finally!" Harry said with exasperation.

Hermione glared at him from underneath her frizzy brown hair. "Shut up, I was reading."

"What, Hogwarts a History?" Harry scoffed.

"It's my work Harry, and speaking of work do you even have a job yet?" she inquired pursing her lips in annoyance.

After he had left school Harry had played Quidditch for the Chudley Cannons but he had been dismissed from his position as the team's seeker after he had gotten rather carried away with his own importance and declared himself to be 'bigger than Dumbledore'.

Since then he had been a bum. The Daily Prophet had delighted in naming him:

'The Boy who lived to be a Bum'

Harry stuck his tongue out at her rather childishly and Hermione hurried him out of the offices to her car (she liked to do things the muggle way). Harry was now somewhat of an embarrassment to her with him being a bum and her being the Minister of Magic.

Hermione slammed the car door behind him and then got in herself. She began to blab on about her day and Harry tuned out. The drive passed rather nicely, Harry admired the scenery and Hermione droned on in the background. Occasionally snatches of what she was saying managed to invade his ears and to his annoyance they were things like:

"You are so irresponsible Harry…Can't even get a job…Have you no self respect?...if Draco were alive he would certainly have a job."

Harry snorted at that comment, he seriously doubted the drugged up Malfoy's ability to even know what a job was never mind get one.

"Yeah, whatever, thanks for giving me a lift home Hermione."

Hermione made an angry noise and stopped the car next to a rather dingy looking alleyway. She glared at Harry until he climbed out of the car with a sigh. Hermione slammed the door behind him and Harry watched as she sped away, her tyres squealing on the wet road. Everyday Harry went to beg in the street beside Hermione's work and every evening she would drive him back home to his alleyway and moan about his life or lack thereof.

Harry scratched his head and wandered down the alley a little bit to the pile of newspapers that was his bed. He sat down and, having nothing better to do, opened one. To Harry's surprise he opened the newspaper to a big picture of the highly gorgeous and admired Dark Lord Lucius Malfoy. Harry's eyes widened as he read in horror what it said:

A new runner in the elections!

The elections are coming up and the question on everyone's lips is who will succeed Tony Blair?

Well meet Lucius Malfoy- a brand new candidate with radical new ways of thinking. He is the head of the party S.H.G.A.L.M and he promises that if he wins he will- take care of the environment, put more beds in hospitals, pay firemen more money and…..

Harry stopped reading and slammed his head against the wall. What was the world coming to?

And that is the story of how Harry Potter was lectured by Hermione and discovered that the highly gorgeous and admired Dark Lord Lucius Malfoy was running for Prime Minister

>>>>>>>

Draco sat slumped on the grass moaning. The devil sat beside him looking extremely bored.

"What in Gods name are you moaning about now?" the Devil snapped.

Draco glared at him; you see Draco was suffering from the lack of moonsugar running through his veins. No moonsugar meant he was not high and not being high made Draco very upset.

The Devil rolled his eyes, "Hello? You just signed a contract for seven wishes, did you forget that?"

"I was out of my mind when I signed that, like I want to be now." Draco said rummaging in his pocket for remnants of the moonsugar he had found.

The Devil's eyes sparked (literally) and he grinned wolfishly. "Do you wish it?" he asked.

"Wish what?" Draco said absentmindedly.

"TO BE HIGH!"

"Oh, yes, I wish that I could be as high as possible for the rest of my life." Draco finished smugly, thoroughly satisfied with his wish. The Devil nodded and clicked his well manicured fingers.

Just then Draco felt his mind explode and all his intelligence was carried away by waves from the blissful sea of moonsugar.

And that is the story of how Draco Malfoy became high for the rest of his life.

>>>>>>>

Ron stuck his head gingerly out of the top of the campaign bus. Below him, inside the bus, his minion Eclipse tried to eat Ron's legs which were dangling appetizingly in front of him. "Get off Eclipse!" Ron ordered, kicking the minion away.

Nervously he pulled himself up until the top half of his body was sticking out the roof, the wind was really strong and for once Ron was glad that he didn't have any hair. Lifting a custom designed S.H.G.A.L.M megaphone to his lips Ron began to speak.

"VOTE FOR MALFOY! VOTE FOR MALFOY! VOTE AND MAKE YOUR COUNTRY A BETTER PLACE! LUCIUS MALFOY IS LIKE NO OTHER CANDIDATE BECAUSE WHEN HE PROMISES TO DO THINGS HE ACTUALLY DOES THEM!"

Below Ron muggles on the pavements stopped in their tracks to listen to this wonderful news. Many of them decided right then and there to vote for this 'Lucius Malfoy'. Ron pitied them, Ron also pitied himself.

"TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT S.H.G.A.L.M PROMISES TO DO FOR YOU GO TO OUR MEETING AT CITY HALL AT NOON TOMORROW!"

Then the bus drove away very fast and Ron fell down back into the interiors of the bus. Grumbling under his breath he slowly picked himself up using his remaining hand, Eclipse tried to help by eating the big toe on Ron's left foot. "Arrrrgh!" Ron cried in frustration.

And that is the story of how Eclipse ate Ron Weasley's big toe.

>>>>>>>>>

"Oh, I like to shake ma boootay!" Draco sang as he danced around the mountain top. The Devil watched him with an irritated look in his eyes; he was seriously regretting offering the boy anything.

Draco began to wiggle his butt in a dance reminiscent of Shakira. "I am sexaaaaay!" he cried. Draco was currently wearing a little black mini-dress and sailor hat which had been his second wish.

The Devil sighed loudly and turned to face away from the dancing boy. He had had quite enough of Draco's skinny ass for one day thank you very much.

"Yo Devil-o!" Draco said, snapping his fingers and putting his pale hands on his hips.

"What?" the Devil snapped.

"For my next wish I wish that Harry Potter-o could hear my thoughts!" he grinned as though that was the best idea in the world.

"WHY?"

"Beeeecause," Draco drawled. "What's the dealy-yo-yo? Just do it Devil man!"

Closing his eyes in horror the Devil clicked his well manicured fingers and the wish was granted.

And that was the story of how Draco Malfoy wished that Harry Potter could hear his most intimate and private thoughts.

>>>>>>>

Harry Potter was on his way to London City Hall. The S.H.G.A.L.M tour bus had passed by his alley way an hour ago and he had decided, against all the sane thoughts left inside him, to go to the meeting. After all it couldn't hurt could it? And he could have sworn that it had been Ron on top of the bus with a megaphone.

_I am sooo wasted_

Harry wiggled his head a bit, where had that thought come from? And why the heck did it sound like Malfoy? Great now it appeared he was hearing dead people.

Just then a large purple car pulled up beside Harry and Ginny Weasley got out, followed of course by her rather large entourage of bodyguards and hangers-on. She poked him with her pimp cane and Harry goggled at her.

"I have a proper part in this round." She said, staring at him through gold plated sunglasses.

"What?" Harry asked, still goggling, he could hardly see that it was Ginny underneath all the bling bling.

_My butt hurts, guess that's what I get for shaking my boootay! Oh well, I love moonsugar, sweet moonsugar. I'm so sexy._

Harry's eye twitched, what the hell was going on?

"Do ya want a ride in ma pimp mobile? I think you are goin, sweet moonsugar, where I'm goin." Ginny asked him, prodding him again with her pimp cane.

Harry nodded rather dazedly and followed the hangers-on into the car which had purple fur all over the inside. He sat down, feeling rather out of his depth. "Want some moonsugar?" one of the hangers-on asked him. Harry shook his head and looked out of the tinted window.

_My hair is so shiny, I want to eat it. Oooooh, pretty hair, sweet moonsugar._

"AAAAARGH!" Harry cried suddenly in an attempt to block the voice from his head.

Ginny peered at him from behind her diamond studded and gold plated sunglasses. "What up?" she asked, wiggling her hand in front of his face.

"Nothing." Harry said, shifting away slightly.

Ginny shrugged beneath her large fur coat.

"Yo we're here." The driver said. They had pulled up outside a large brick building. The words 'City hall' had been obscured from sight by hundreds of posters of Lucius Malfoy. All of them showed him wearing nothing but a crown.

"Ewwww!" Harry squealed like a girl.

And that is the story of how Harry Potter discovered that Ginny Weasley was a pimp and had his first (and hopefully last) sighting of the highly gorgeous and admired Dark lord Lucius Malfoy's naked body.

>>>>>>>>>

The highly gorgeous and admired Dark lord Lucius Malfoy stood before his full length mirror admiring his new set of purple and silver robes. His hair was loose and curling under his large gold crown. In his slender, aristocratic hand he held a gold sceptre.

"Are you quite finished Jackass?" Narcissa asked, using her nice new pet name for her husband.

"What is your problem?" Lucius snapped, twirling in front of the mirror.

Narcissa's cool features twisted into a scowl and steam began to pour out of her ears.

"Oops." Lucius said, wincing as she grasped the collar of his robes and shoved him against the wall.

"My problem," she hissed. "Is that my husband is the new Dark Lord, I have a heart tattoo on my arm that says 'Lucius' and MY SON WAS EATEN BY A SQUID!"

Lucius shook before remembering that he was the highly gorgeous and admired Dark lord Lucius Malfoy at which point he shoved her away. "HOW DARE YOU ADMONISH ME VERMIN!" he shrieked.

Narcissa rolled her eyes. "Jackass." She spat.

Lucius glared at her and then with a toss of his hair he swaggered out of the dressing room (complete with a little star on the door) and into the main hall to take his place on stage.

Already hundreds of muggles were filing into the hall, Lucius clapped his hands in glee. Soon he would rule the world! Well, the U.K anyway. He stood in front of the microphone which Withers had put up too high again; he wasn't as tall as people seemed to think he was. Maybe it was because he wore platforms most of the time. Lucius's keen silver eyes watched as the people filtered in through the large doors. There were some wizards and witches there as well, he noticed. His sharp eyes spotted Potter and what he thought was the female Weasley, although she looked like a pimp. Suddenly he was distracted by a tap on his shoulder.

"Eh hem." A female voice said. Lucius spun round to come face to face with…the mudblood Granger.

"Ewww." He shuddered, how she ever became Minister of Magic he did not know. Well actually he did know but that was not the point.

"What do you think you are doing?" she asked, her rabbit teeth sticking out like, well rabbit teeth actually.

"Look Mudblood," Lucius hissed. "Just because you want to jump my poor, dead son does not mean you can interfere. I'm going to be Prime Minister whether you like it or not!"

Hermione spluttered in anger, "You…why you, I'll….you, why…you…kill….how dare…why…"

"I thought you were supposed to be intelligent?" Lucius sneered. Hermione gaped at him and Lucius pushed her away. "Go and sit with your little friends and shut up." He said indicating Potty and what he thought was a Weasley.

Finally everyone that could fit in had entered the hall and the door shut with a sinister, resounding bang, then they locked, loudly. Of course the muggles noticed none of this; they continued chatting happily until Lucius cried: "SILENCE!"

Blowing his audience a small kiss Lucius waltzed over to the microphone. The crowd watched, entranced by his every move. Narcissa glared at him from the back of the hall and his cheerleaders, led by Snape, hula danced in front of the stage to the 'Woohoo' song from Kill Bill.

"Welcome people of Great Britain to my Mind Control meeting." Lucius said with a smirk on his lips. If the people of Great Britain noticed anything odd about his sentence they didn't show it. "It is time that you became convinced of your county's need to have a man like me in charge. Please allow me to manipulate your minds." Lucius said with a charming smile. He clicked his smooth pale fingers and the lights dimmed. Behind him on the stage Withers pulled a rope, the red curtain behind Lucius fell revealing a large magical 3D cinema screen. With a loud and unnecessarily long drum roll a film began to play.

The muggles watched; entranced as swirling black and white lines appeared on the screen, hypnotising them. "You agree with all my goals. You will all vote for S.H.G.A.L.M at the next election. You will worship me, the highly gorgeous and admired Dark lord Lucius Malfoy because I am beautiful, brilliant and better than you. You will obey my every command. You will become my army of Muggles. You will all wear silver spandex cat suits which will be handed out as you leave. You will all pelt Harry Potter with rotten fruit every time you see him." Lucius repeated this in a soft, enticing voice as the lines on the screen swirled round and round. Snape and the cheerleaders hummed quietly twisting their bodies in a snake like dance. Near the doors Ron and Eclipse stood by, ready to hand out the silver spandex cat suits.

Meanwhile Harry, Ginny and Hermione sat in the audience staring at each other in horror. Lucius Malfoy was hypnotising the Muggles to vote for him, he was making them wear spandex! They were, of course, unharmed by the hypnotism because they had magic running through their veins.

"What are we going to do?" Hermione hissed. "We can't let him get away with this."

"Wha's your deal Sugar?" Ginny asked, "Chill, man."

Hermione glared at her. "I will not chill you…you…pimp." (Ginny hit her with her pimp cane) "Harry understands that we need to stop him, don't you Harry?"

Harry however was not listening, he was trying to block out the voice in his head which was currently talking about ham sandwiches.

_Mmmm, lots of juicy pink ham, I love ham, sweet moonsugar, lots of ham and butter enfolded in soft white bread. Grrr, why is there no ham up this mountain. Oooh, there's a pig!_

"I WANT A HAM SANDWICH!" Harry cried out, leaping from his chair. Of course no one noticed; they were all to busy being hypnotised.

"Sit down." Hermione hissed pulling him back down onto the chair, hard.

"Oww! My butt!" Harry moaned, rubbing the aforementioned butt.

"We need to get out of here." Hermione said. However before she could do any more the magical 3D TV screen went blank and the muggles awoke from their daze.

"Thank you for coming!" Lucius said with a sinister, evil, nasty smirk/smile that nobody noticed.

The muggles began to file out of the hall, eagerly grabbing their silver spandex cat suits from Ron as they left; all knowing exactly who they would be voting for in the election the next day.

"We must stop them!" Hermione cried, running after the brainwashed muggles.

Harry hesitated, looking at Ginny who shrugged and swallowed at bit of moonsugar. Harry glared at her and then proceeded to follow Hermione all the while ignoring the strange Malfoy-sounding-like voice in his head.

_I wonder; if I poke that hedgehog in the butt will it turn into a rhinoceros? I know; I'll shake my boootay at it- maybe I'll find my way home then. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! When will I ever get home? My father must miss me terribly!!! SWEET MOONSUGAR!!!!!!!_

Harry shook his head, Malfoy was dead and anyway even if he wasn't, how could he possibly be hearing his thoughts. And if they were Malfoy's thoughts then what the hell did that boy think about? Finally he reached Hermione who was standing on the steps outside the hall, pleading with the muggles.

"You have been brainwashed!" She cried. "Lucius Malfoy is an evil man who will…." Her speech was cut short when the muggles spotted Harry standing behind her. All of a sudden they began to pelt him with rotten fruit which had appeared out of nowhere.

"Run!" Hermione cried, already halfway down the street. Harry followed, his trainers-decorated-in-golden-snitches carrying him as fast as they could. They were soon brought to a halt however, by Ginny's car which pulled up in front of them.

"Shit, Gin! You nearly killed us." Harry said.

"Where ya runnin to?" Ginny asked from underneath her velvet cap. "Climb on in to ma pimp mobile and I'll escort you to safety."

And that is the story of how Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were saved from fruit-pelting, spandex-wearing, Lucius-loving muggles by Ginny Weasley and her pimp mobile.

>>>>>>>>>

Harry lay on the old, ragged sofa in the Weasleys living room. He had only been there for five minutes and already Molly had asked him if he wanted anything to eat over a million times. Apparently she felt he hadn't been getting enough nourishment living in the gutter. Hermione felt the same and the two were currently discussing his lack of career in the kitchen. "I _can_ hear you know!" he cried angrily. His answer was the slamming of the kitchen door.

_My love is like a red, red rose sweetly sprung in…sweet moonsugar._

Harry groaned; he was now more than certain that he was indeed hearing the dead? Draco Malfoy in his head, however he still had no idea why. He also found himself thinking a lot about the said Malfoy's rear end although he supposed this was because Draco himself thought about his 'sexaaaaay boootay' every five seconds.

Groaning, Harry kicked the wall. "What up?" Ginny asked, appearing in front of him, her jewel encrusted hand tapping him on the shoulder with her pimp cane.

"Urrgh, nothing." Harry said, trying to block out Draco's thoughts.

"Sweet moonsugar." Ginny hissed and Harry was relived to see that some things hadn't changed. Just then the door opened with a loud bang and Molly, Hermione and Arthur came in with smiles on their faces.

"We know how to stop Lucius Malfoy!" Hermione announced.

Harry glared at her, "I thought you were discussing my lack of a career." He snapped.

_Silly rabbit, tricks are for cats. My love don't cost a thing, okay so maybe it does, it costs MOONSUGAR!!! Muah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!_

Harry winced and Hermione replied, "We ceased to discuss your sad life ten minutes ago. Honestly Harry why can't you be more like poor, dead Draco?"

Harry glared at her.

"Anyway," Molly said. "We're going to tell Dumbledore." Then Molly, Hermione and Arthur smiled like it was the best idea in the whole world.

"Dumbledore?" Harry repeated doubtfully. The last time he had seen the old geezer the man had been sitting, blue and drooling on his chair in the Great hall, a chicken messily drawn on his forehead. How was he supposed to help?

"We will floo there immediately." Arthur said.

Ginny shook her head. "I'm outta here." She said before turning to leave the room. "You is all insane."

"My daughter," Arthur sighed proudly. "My little genius becoming a millionaire through manufacturing a new type of wizard shampoo!" A little happy tear ran down his cheek and he smiled happily at her retreating figure.

Harry simply stared at him, disbelief evident in every pore on his face.

"Ready to go Harry?" Hermione asked, putting on her best 'business' voice. She pushed Harry firmly toward the fireplace, Molly and Arthur following with the floo powder.

"I still don't see how this can help!" Harry protested, his protests were answered, however, by a pinch of powder being sprinkled into his hand by Hermione who wore a 'Don't start with me young man!' look.

Rolling his eyes Harry sprinkled the floo powder into the fire while saying, reluctantly, "HOGWARTS!"

_I look very pretty in this dress. Like a Princess stuck on a hill…maybe I should wish myself off this damn hill! Sweet moonsugar!_

Harry ignored the Draco-in-his-head as he landed with a bang in the rather dirty fireplace in Snape's office. He looked up from the cinders to see Snape carefully folding away his cheerleading outfit.

"What?" he snapped when he caught Harry staring at him. "I'm a SPY for God's sake, and spies have to make sacrifices. It's not like I actually enjoy it!"

Harry just stared at him.

"Ok, so maybe I do, it's none of your business Potter! Six million points from Gryffindor!"

Harry averted his eyes, just then he found himself squished beneath the surprisingly heavy body of Hermione, then Molly and then Arthur.

"Ah, we're here, a perfect landing." Hermione said sliding gracefully off Harry's back into Snape's office. By this time Snape was literally purple.

"Why the hell are you people in my office?" he screamed.

Just then Professor Lupin entered the office, an agreeable look on his friendly face but Snape was not fooled. "Get out Werewolf!" he cried. "You always do this to me!"

"Hello James." Lupin said.

"I'm Harry," said Harry. "H.A.R.R.Y"

"Of course you are James." Lupin said with a fond smile.

Harry rolled his eyes, he was used to this. Lupin had gone a bit mental over the years and now he thought Harry was James and Hermione was Frodo for some inexplicable reason.

"Severus I'm sure that there is a perfectly rational explanation for James, Frodo, Molly and Arthur being in your office but since they are all Gryffindors I will take care of it, not you. You can get back to your cross dressing."

"I DO NOT CROSS DRESS!" Snape screamed as his nose grew even longer. "I JUST WANT TO BE A REAL, LIVE BOY!"

The office was silent.

"Right, ahem, sorry about that." Snape said, shrinking his nose back to its original size. "However, Lupin you can't take them away! Every time I find someone to tell off you come in here and take them away. DO YOU EVEN WORK HERE ANYMORE?"

Lupin shifted nervously for a moment and then began to herd everyone out of the room.

"You won't get away with this!" Snape warned as Lupin shut the door in his face. "LUPIN!" Snape cried shrilly from behind the door.

And that is the story of how Hermione Granger and co managed to infiltrate Hogwarts without receiving detention from Professor Snape.

>>>>>>>>

"I wish that I was with my father at this very moment!" Draco announced tearfully, "And also that Harry can't hear my intimate thoughts anymore cos he may discover my father's secret plans."

"That's two wishes." The Devil warned from his place on the sun chair. "You only have one left."

Draco nodded dramatically and the Devil snapped his perfect fingers. "Julie Andrews!" he cried and Draco's world turned upside down. A few psychedelic seconds later Draco landed roughly on the marble floor in the throne room of the Malfoy Palace.

"Uggh!" he moaned, rolling onto his back.

Disturbed by the loud bang the highly gorgeous and admired Dark Lord Lucius Malfoy looked over the edge of his throne. With a sigh he set down his nail file. "Oh no," he said. "You're back."

And that was the story of how Draco Malfoy arrived back at Malfoy Palace. (Much to his father's dismay.)

(A/N) Okay- there will be another chapter- this story comes in two parts- please review!!!!!


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